The Scarcity of Chivalry

I can make the case that manners are the basis of our society. When I visit a country I have never been before, the first thing that tends to catch my attention will not be the flag or the food but the manners of the people. A developed nation does not seem to be completely developed when we can hardly find a smiley face on the street. Likewise, delicious food will not taste as good when it is served impolitely.

Definition of Chivalry

The term “chivalry” is not commonly used in Indonesia. When we look for its meaning in the dictionary, we may find chivalry related with “politeness” or “good attitudes” (red: kesopan-santunan / sikap yang baik). However, those synonyms are not adequate enough to describe the essential meaning of “chivalry”.

Chivalry is actually a code of conduct associated with the medieval of knighthood. Medieval period lasted from 5^th to the 15^th century. Within this period of time, some combinations of qualities were highly expected of an ideal knight, especially courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak. A knight who was skillful at warfare but lack of any of these qualities was no noble knight.

Back then, there were three types of chivalry. These included duties to countrymen, duties to God, and duties to women. Let me give you some practical examples of each type.

-          Warrior Chivalry (Duties to Countrymen)

Serving the King and the lords, giving honor to fellow knights and every human being, protecting the poor, aiding orphans and widows, refusing bribes, completing any task or challenge that has been started, always speaking the truth, etc.

-          Religious Chivalry (Duties to God)

Being faithful to God, being faithful to the church, always being proponent to good against evil, putting the worship of God above all others, etc.

-          Courtly Chivalry (Duties to Women)

Honoring and respecting women, showing graciousness and gentleness towards women, always offering help to women, etc.

In the late Middle Ages, the wealthy merchant class began to be educated on chivalry and the ideals of the knights.  This led to the publication of the courtesy book.  Courtesy books were guides for gentlemen on how to behave.  This indicates that men’s values and ideals after the Medieval era were shaped by the chivalric culture.

Chivalry Nowadays

Perhaps nowadays when we are talking about chivalry we do not necessarily mean to totally equate the kind of chivalry back in Medieval days. Who still works as a knight anyway? But we would still refer to the values held by historical noble knights. Honor, respect, loyalty, responsibility, honesty, humility, courtesy, justice, mercy, and bravery are still very much applicable and needed nowadays.

In modern chivalry, there is no longer division to whom it should be practiced at. Yet people tend to generate chivalry as a gentle and gallant act towards women. When walking with a woman for instance, a gentleman should automatically walk on the outside nearest the road. He would protect the woman from a car splashing water puddle, if there was any. Or simply to protect the women from getting hit by a random careless driver.

A gentleman would also always hold a door open for anyone, especially when they are carrying heavy things or as not as physically fit as he is (injured, pregnant, elderly, etc.). Another example is walk or drive a woman home after dating. A gentleman should make sure if she gets home safely.

When riding a public transport like a bus or train, a chivalrous man is expected to give up his seat for any women, pregnant ladies, or elderlies. As well as when seeing a lady around him who is about to take a seat, he should instantly help her pulling out the chair and pushing it in as she sits down.

Society nowadays also expects a gentleman to treat waiters or cleaners nicely. He should not treat them as if they are his servants. To say a simple thing like “thank you” after taking order and being served is completely courteous. Even adding a sincere smile to that phrase will make it even gentler. Respecting any human being shows what kind of man you truly are.

In dating situations, I might say the rule of “men must pay for women” can be up to the debate. Certain societies have different cultures. This can be discussed and arranged between you and your partner. However, during first dates, I would highly suggest the men to pay for the bills. As men need to show if they are willing and serious enough to ask the women for a date.

Whereas other things like offering his jacket when a girl gets cold, sharing his umbrella when it rains (even that means to get wet for a few seconds), taking his hat off when enters a room, being punctual as planned, keeping his body clean and his appearance neat, making sure the breath smells fresh all the time, and avoiding the use of bad words while talking, these are all the most basic things gentlemen need to practice these days.

Chivalry Gets Scarcer and Scarcer

Is chivalry dead? We cannot generalize it. But I have to say that it is getting harder and harder to find chivalrous men these days, particularly around the place where I live. I always observe people’s gestures every time I go outside the house. During my trips on trains, I often find men would not give up their seats for any old lad, woman, or even pregnant. They step into the train, grab a seat, and if there is anyone else coming in later who seems to be more in need to have a seat, they pretend not to notice by falling asleep or getting busy with their smartphones. Smart move. Awful chivalry.

When I see some couples fighting on the street, I can still find how the men would talk down the women with disrespectful words and gestures. Some female friends of mine also often share their experiences when they have to argue with their boyfriends. I am very concern to hear that there are still so many men out there who would not think twice when they have to express their disappointment. All these cases will most probably lead to domestic violence if they decide to get married.

I also often hear men swearing in public places, aloud, innocently with pride. Other case such as women struggling so much with carrying their stuffs while men would do nothing but look has also become more and more common. These may happen because people are no longer used to being old-fashioned, since most of younger generations do not receive education about being chivalrous.

On the other hand, the raising of feminism might be one of the reasons why only a few men still practice chivalry. The extreme feminists believe that they should no longer be treated differently than men in any way. Well, maybe that is not quantitatively significant. But how about seeing chivalrous acts as patronizing?  Every time men sincerely offer some helps, they are being second-guessed with having second agenda. That is just sad.

Preserving Chivalry

You can plant trees, recycle papers, and use electricity efficiently. Yet you can also start acting chivalrous way to save the world. Knowing that chivalry gets scarce, let all of us start preaching it out through our actions. Do it not only to women, but towards everybody, anytime, anywhere! It costs you nothing anyway.

Do not take feminist’s argument as an excuse. Do not worry to be suspected or judged by being old-fashioned. Do not hesitate and just do it sincerely. And once you get used to doing it, you might want to take it to the next level, which is adopt chivalry as a lifestyle. At the end of the day, you will not need to think to do chivalrous things. It just happens.

I am quite optimistic that the spirit of chivalry is contagious. People will start to “compete” being a modern knight, who cannot stand to see chivalry getting extinct. And this kind of spirit will hopefully start to rise again, being inherited to people from generation to generation.

“Manners maketh men” – William Horman

Pendidikan: Keselamatan atau Ancaman?

Bayangkan kita bermain peran sebagai salah satu karakter di serial The Walking Dead. Serial televisi yang sangat mendunia menceritakan tentang bagaimana kaum manusia yang tersisa bertahan hidup habis-habisan dari wabah serangan zombie. Berbagai macam senjata digunakan mereka untuk membunuh zombie. Mulai dari hand gun, shot gun, panah, pedang, tongkat baseball, batu bata. bahkan kepalan tanganpun dapat menjadi senjata terakhir ketika terdesak. Setiap senjata tentunya mempunyai tingkat efektivitas dan efesiensi yang berbeda-beda. Senjata mana yang akan Anda pilih?

Ketika berbicara tentang mengubah dunia, kita butuh sebuah senjata. Untuk apa? Karena dunia ini sedang berperang melawan kehancuran. Saya percaya, sejak kejatuhan manusia ke dalam dosa, natur manusia sebagai penakluk bumi menjadi berdosa juga. Jadi sebenarnya, manusia sedang memperjuangkan kelangsungan bumi ini dari keberdosaan manusia itu sendiri. Bumi yang saya maksudkan di sini tidak hanya mengenai fisik bumi saja, tetapi juga melibatkatkan apa yang sedang "berjalan" di atas bumi (contoh: fenomena kemanusiaan, teknologi, budaya, moral, politik, ekonomi, hukum, dll). Dan ketika ada manusia yang cukup peduli untuk mempertahankan dan memperbaiki dunia ini dari kehancuran, maka ia akan mengambil senjatanya, pergi mengambil bagian dalam peperangan ini.

Sebagian orang memilih politik sebagai senjatanya untuk memperbaiki dunia lewat pembuatan kebijakan. Juga tidak sedikit orang memilih bisnis sebagai senjata membangun ekonomi dunia. Ada juga yang menggunakan hukum sebagai senjata menciptakan keadilan dan keharmonisan sosial. Dan tentunya masih banyak lagi senjata-senjata yang bisa kita gunakan dalam mengambil bagian untuk mengubah dunia. Sedangkan saya sendiri memilih pendidikan.

Saya sangat setuju dengan perkataan Nelson Mandela: "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can choose to change the world." Kata "change" saya intepretasikan mempunyai 2 kemungkinan, yaitu perubahan menjadi lebih baik atau lebih buruk. Ya, pendidikan dengan kekuatannya dalam mempengaruhi kaum manusia, dapat membuat dunia ini menjadi lebih baik ataupun sebaliknya. Maka itu orang-orang yang terlibat dalam bidang pendidikan haruslah berhati-hati dalam mendidik.

Kita tahu bahwa pemerataan distribusi pendidikan di dunia ini masih jauh dari standard, terutama di negara-negara berkembang dan negara-negara ketiga. Bukan berarti hal ini mengharuskan kita membangun institusi pendidikan sebanyak-banyaknya semata. Kuantitas memang penting, tetapi kualitas sangat perlu dipastikan agar institusi pendidikan yang dibangun menghasilkan penerus bangsa sejati, bukan penghancur bangsa. Persis seperti pisau dapur yang dapat digunakan untuk memotong sayur dan di saat yang sama, dapat digunakan untuk membunuh orang.

Dalam jaman post-modern ini, manusia cenderung percaya bahwa tidak ada kebenaran mutlak. Semua nilai dan persepektif tentang kehidupan dapat diperdebatkan sehingga tidak ada acuan garis kebenaran yang membatasi. Orang yang masih percaya akan kebenaran mutlak sering dianggap konservatif, kaku dan tidak open-mined. Itulah trend yang terjadi pada institusi pendidikan masa kini, yaitu: metode pemikiran liberal.

Saya pribadi setuju bahwa kita perlu mengajarkan anak didik kita untuk berpikiran terbuka dan kritis. Dengan pemikiran seperti itu, kita dapat menyerap lebih banyak pengetahuan. Semakin banyak ilmu pengetahuan yang kita miliki, maka semakin besar pula kesempatan kita untuk bisa berinovasi. Hanya saja, kita sangat perlu memasang sebuah sistem filter di dalam diri para anak didik. Sistem ini berupa wisdom. Wisdom yang seperti apa? Tentunya wisdom yang berasal dari Tuhan (mutlak), bukan wisdom yang berasal dari dunia (relatif). Kita jelas perlu melibatkan Tuhan dalam dunia pendidikan.

Tuhan sering ditarik keluar dari persamaan kehidupan. Ketika kita menarik Tuhan dari persamaan kehidupan, maka apapun yang kita lakukan adalah sia-sia (dan sering kali menjadi bencana). Selain itu, banyak orang berpikir bahwa ilmu pengetahuan dan Tuhan adalah dua hal yang berbeda. Ilmu pengetahuan dan Tuhan seringkali dipisahkan bagaikan air dan minyak. Padahal sesungguhnya ilmu pengetahuan yang sejati adalah yang datangnya dari Tuhan. Seorang Albert Einstein pun berpendapat bahwa, "Ilmu tanpa agama buta dan agama tanpa ilmu lumpuh.". Jadi jelas, apabila institusi pendidikan memisahkan Tuhan dengan ilmu pengetahuan, itu akan menjadi senjata yang mengancam, bukan menyelamatkan.

Proverbs 1:7

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction."

Hey Kamu

So, back on the February 20th, 2015, I asked this sweet girl out. She is unbelievably adorable. With all her simplicity and sincerity, she makes me fall for her, really hard.

I asked her out through this cheesy poem I made:

Hey Kamu

Hey kamu.. ya kamu.. si kupu-kupu yang lugu..

Ijinkan aku memecah sunyi, bukan dengan bernyanyi..

Aku tak bersuara merdu, aku takut mengganggu..

Tetapi ijinkanlah aku berekspresi, melalui sebuah puisi..

Di sampingmu sering aku merasa canggung..

Padahal aku merasa cukup ulung..

Kata-kata sudah terangkai..

Kenyataannya sekarang hanya bisa menyeringai..

Mungkin aku rasa ada sesuatu..

Sesuatu yang ada pada parasmu..

Parasmu yang begitu sederhana..

Sederhana yang selalu membuatku terpesona..

Pernah sewaktu-waktu, aku melihatmu memakai gaun putih..

Menuruni anak tangga satu-persatu, dengan langkah anggun seakan terlatih..

Aku tak bardaya, aku tak dapat berkata..

Sepertinya ini bahaya, karena kuyakin aku telah jatuh cinta..

Kamu menguatkanku dalam ketenangan..

Ketika aku lemah hadapi kemarahan..

Ini bukan lagi sekedar angan..

Ini anugerah terindah dari Tuhan..

Kamu memang bukan yang pertama..

Hanya saja kamu berbeda..

Detik takkan terbuang percuma..

Bila kamu isi syair hidupku dengan nada..

Kamu menyihirku dengan ketulusan..

Melunakkan hatiku dengan belaian..

Sehingga aku tidak bisa berikan satu alasan..

Untuk tidak mengumpulkan tekad dan keberanian..

Hey kamu.. ya kamu.. Kezia Yohana Rusli..

Bersediakah kamu jadi pacar aku?

And surprisingly she said "yes" to me. Praise the Lord!

He must become greater, and we must become less.